It was one of those weeks at work. Crazy madness coupled with not much happening. A sort of frenzied inertia.
I told them about how, when I wa a kid, I'd play offices. I'd sit at my desk and get all my stationery lined up neatly then I'd wonder what to do next because I had no idea what people did in offices. I still don't.
That lead to discussion about what our childhood plans for when we grew up were as kids. I wanted to be a lawyer or a jounalist. I obviously didn't think about being a computer programmer or data analyst or any of those jobs I do because they didn't even exist.
One of the guys I work with said he wanted to be a writer as a kid. He still does. It's just that his job pays me.
That made me really appreciate my life. I can do both. I've always done so many things concurrently that it feels like my life has multiple streams. At one point, I worked full time, studied part time and made fake fur handbags to sell at markets. Oh yeah, and not to forget I raised a son on my own at the same time.
I'm no superwoman but I know how to prioritise.
You can do it all. You get to choose. You can work full time and be a writer. You might not write as productively as you'd like but then who does? Even if you could write full time, the well is only so deep. The fingers on keyboard time is only the surface of writing. The tiny people living in your brain, acting out their dramas happens anywhere.
You do have to make sacrifices though. You may not be able to go out and get shitfaced all weekend + a few nights a week. Well, maybe you can if you are young and genki, but I sure as hell can't.
There are some childhood dreams you have to give up because they have a use-by date. Once you hit 30, chances are you'll never be a professional athlete or a ballet dancer or an astronaut. Some dreams you give up because the reality never measures up to the dream - I sure as hell dropped that dream of being a lawyer when I found out it wasn't like on telly.
Then there are dreams that you are told to give up because you'll never get anywhere. You'll never make money, you'll never hit it big time. What people forget to tell you is that there are people making money at it. Not just the big stars either. Mid-list writers who survive on their royalties, character actors that get consistent work. Some people make money at it - you just have to be talented and hard working and lucky. But hells, these days there are out of work garbage collectors so you may as well aim high.
The other thing they don't tell you is that it's not an either/or option. You can do both. You just need to get your shit together and become incredilbly anti-social.